even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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