OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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