hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my shit smells like andre
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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