Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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