so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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