i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
