Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
