just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
