I'm so fucking centered right now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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