i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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