I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize