She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
