well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
