..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
