so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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