You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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