A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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