Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
