my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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