i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
