i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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