i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I faked an abortion last night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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