I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am available for nakedness
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
