I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
