ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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