Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
