if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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