Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What a dumb baby whore.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
