I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
