Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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