I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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