my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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