i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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