the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
