Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
