If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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