he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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