Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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