He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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