Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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