oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
