OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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