and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
