It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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