Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
