I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
