"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
