haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
