I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
