i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
