Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
