I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to calm my uterus...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
