Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
