walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
