Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
