We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
