I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
