i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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