giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
