i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
high people should be assigned attendants
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
