My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
