I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
