I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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