A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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