SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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