just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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