I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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