i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
