How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
