you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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