I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
