this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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