Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
