You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
