Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
