the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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