Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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