Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Randomize
