I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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